He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
