I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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