bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
