I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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