bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
