We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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