I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
