Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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