It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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