do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
