If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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