Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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