I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
