Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
