mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
