is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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