so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize