she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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