Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
