I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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