I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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