why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
