That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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