Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
