Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Panties = found
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
