he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
