this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
