and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
