she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
