I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
