ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
