Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
