but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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