Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
