Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can I color on your dick again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
