A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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