I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize