Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck appropriateness.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
