If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
