it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
