WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
