there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
jump out the window naked night went bad
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