Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
