i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
