just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
