my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
