the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level