The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
where are you?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.