Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

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(530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1

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(+44): View more from England

I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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(+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment. http://tfl.nu/zeo3

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(404): View more from Georgia

we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it

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(404): we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it http://tfl.nu/n2gi

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(513): View more from Ohio

i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

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(513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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(910): Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study. http://tfl.nu/l0py

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(847): View more from Illinois

And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

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(847): And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!" http://tfl.nu/eczk

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(779): View more from Illinois

should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?

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(779): should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark? http://tfl.nu/0hyg

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(347): View more from New York

He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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(347): He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones. http://tfl.nu/swc2

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

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(724): I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups http://tfl.nu/pn1i

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(612): View more from Minnesota

rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.

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(612): rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/9ytt

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(209): View more from California

Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.

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(209): Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir. http://tfl.nu/1rs6

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(801): View more from Utah

Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.

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(801): Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight. http://tfl.nu/mlx0

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(360): View more from Washington

I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.

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(360): I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line. http://tfl.nu/9tdh

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(941): View more from Florida

Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

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(941): Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs http://tfl.nu/r0oh

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(253): View more from Washington

I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.

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(253): I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute. http://tfl.nu/d7nx

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