there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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