if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
