i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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