My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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