So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
