my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to make a zoo with you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
