Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
