A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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