You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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