Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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