I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
