i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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