to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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