True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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