perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
