i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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