i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
