I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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