my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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