i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
