WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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