Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Couch. On fire.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
