If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize