If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
