If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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