so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
