Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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