yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
