i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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