You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
there is glitter all over my balls
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
