It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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