Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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