If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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