You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
