Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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