Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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