also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
